Tom and I went upstairs to go to bed. It had been a tiring afternoon for both us, and we entered our bedroom without looking at each other. Tom crawled into the bed and slept without saying good night. I turned and walked towards the window, and looked out in the garden, my eyes searching for the silhouette of a man that I loved. He was standing in the middle of our garden. Even though I couldn’t see his eyes, I still felt his gaze locked to mine. There was nothing left to say, we both knew that I would close the light and go back to the bed that I shared with my husband. A single tear fell down from my eye as I turned the lights off and went to bed next to Tom; the bed was now cold with the things that happened that afternoon. That was the last time I saw Jay.
I lay awake wondering what it would be if I ran away now. I would go to Jay and he would hold me in his arms, and we would run away together, disappearing into the night. I thought about leaving, with Jay by my side. How nice and warm it would be. I thought about getting lost in that world that was only known by us. But we both knew that this was out of the question now. I chose to go back to bed with Tom, leaving Gatsby in the dark garden, alone and abandoned.
How could I leave Tom and my family? I had a three-year-old daughter; I didn’t want my daughter to be motherless. I loved Jay; I knew that with all my heart. But I had a life now. I am not the young girl that went from date to date with orchids in her hand five years ago. I changed. I had a beautiful family, and a husband that loved me. Tom might go and do foolish things sometimes, but he never left me all alone, he always came back to me; and he was back now.
And this was the reason why I couldn’t live my dream, why I couldn’t go with the man that I loved and waited for all that time. I wish it was five years ago now, and I wish that he returned to America on time. But wishes never do come true. I am thankful for the family that I have now.
I turned to my side. Tom was lying right next to me, his eyes closed. He wasn’t sleeping though; I could feel that he was wide-awake and thinking about everything that happened that night. I watched his sleepless body that didn’t move an inch. I realized that I loved Tom, and that we belonged together. I thought about telling him the accident that happened that night, how I killed a woman with Gatsby’s car, but something stopped me from dragging Tom out of his thoughts. I couldn’t tell him that I was a murderer. I looked at him again and watched him as we both dazed into a heavy sleep.
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