Tom and I left our beautiful house early that afternoon at East Egg, Long Island behind; and we drove at full speed at a highway, without looking back. It was a beautiful Georgian colonial mansion, and had the most beautiful view. We moved a lot, but East Egg was the only place that brought us this much sorrow.
Pammy was sleeping on the back seat while Tom drove in silence. We didn’t say a word to each other; all of it was said and done already. I watched the road signs that flew by. Suddenly I remembered that dreadful night, not so long ago; though it seemed like years past. The terror of that night came back into my eyes, and I heard the painful scream again. I froze in shock and realized that I wasn’t breathing. I gasped for air.
‘’Are you okay?’’ Tom asked breaking the silence; he looked concerned. I nodded, he turned his head back to the road and the silence came back again. I was going to a happier place, I thought. We would have a new life there; start all over again, without Nick, Jordan or anyone.
I couldn’t say or hear his name. Even the name itself brought so much pain and sorrow into me. I wish things didn’t end this way, but they did. I never turned my head and looked back the minute we left the house, but a voice inside me told me that I should, and so I did.
There stood a beautiful mansion on the right; it was so beautiful, that it was painful to look at. Right across it was another mansion on the left. The color, the sounds of music and laughter were now gone and didn’t leave any traces on the grey building.
I turned my head forward again and decided to look at the future, and let go of the past and the events that happened in both of the mansions. One can’t live in the past, I thought, it will kill one if you don’t let go of it.
We reached a hotel that we would spend the night; Tom was pretty exhausted from driving. He called home to check everything was ok, and his face changed suddenly. I asked Tom what happened, curiosity pouring from my voice. ‘’He got killed.’’ he said. ‘’Jay Gatsby died.’’
His words sank in one by one, each one having a larger effect than the other. Time suddenly stood still. I tried so hard not to cry in front of Tom. My body froze with the shock of the news. I wanted to move, wanted to cry so hard until I lost my voice, but I couldn’t. I looked at Tom, who looked out the window with a blank expression on his face. I realized I wasn’t breathing and gasped for air; at that moment I started shaking with sobs.
I ran to the bathroom and locked the door with the last strength I had. I sat down hugging the carpet and crying. I remembered the time I cried hugging Jay’s shirts on the floor, and how he picked me up. I waited for him to come pick me off the floor again, but no one came.
He was out of my life forever, I wanted him to be, and now he was. I thought so much about calling him the day after that night, but something stopped me from reaching to that phone. It was Tom, and the life we had together. I didn’t want to throw my family away, and I never called Jay. That day he died, so I heard when I came back into the room when I regained a little self-control. I thought about calling his house and talking to Nick, but I ended up never calling.
I couldn’t possibly go to the funeral. I couldn’t bear to see him buried deep underground. The past is the past, I thought. You have to let go of your dreams some time. I placed my head in Tom’s lap as he stroked my hair. I thought about the first time Jay kissed me, and drifted into a heavy sleep, hoping not to wake up ever again.
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